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HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH GRIEF AND LOSS
Children and adolescents experience grief
and loss for all the same reasons as adults. They may also
experience these same feelings for reasons
that dont affect adults and which may seem strange and unreasonable
to parents, teachers, and other caretakers. Many children
are, for example, personally effected by media reports of
death, injury and hardship experienced
during time of war and conflict, by the death of a pet, by
the presence of family conflict, moving to a new home, or
other seemingly routine
events of daily life.
Understanding the impact that grief and loss can have on the emotional
and behavioral health of children, and their response to it, is important
for parents, teachers and others who care for them. Children may feel
especially vulnerable and insecure when families suffer a loss. They
may believe that they are responsible for what has happened. It is easy
for them to misunderstand what is happening unless parents discuss the
situation and any changes that may occur as a result.
Separation and divorce are particularly hard on children. Conflict between
parents almost always creates confusion, anger, and grief, as well as
anxiety about their own future. At such times, both parents need to assure
their children of their continued love and commitment. Temporary separation
caused by work responsibility away from home, or by active military service
in time of war or civil conflict, creates major anxiety and uncertainty
for children. Media reports of war heighten the fear that the child feels
for the survival and safe return of their parent. Parents and care givers
need to help children interpret and understand the events being depicted
through the media, and monitor the amount of time children spend watching
television and using their computers to follow events.
Pre-school children see death as temporary
and reversible, like the cartoon characters on their television.
By the ages of 5 to 9, children
start to think more like adults but still cant believe it could
happen to them or anyone they know. As well as the shock and confusion
a child feels at the death of a family member, adults own feelings
can make it difficult for them to cope with the emotional
and physical needs of their children. Professional counseling
may help guide families
through this difficult time.
The Family Help Kit prepared by NSWHealth of New South Wales, Australia
(www.health.nsw.gov.au) offers a number of helpful tips on how parents
can help children cope with grief and loss:
- Let them know that they are loved
and that you are there for them
- Let them know that it is not their
fault
- Answer their questions simply and
honestly and where possible include them when making
decisions that will affect them
- Be tolerant of their behaviors as
it may be their only way of expressing their feelings
- Try to find out how they are feeling.
Let them cry, talk or express their anger in a safe way
- If they cant talk to you,
encourage them to talk to others whom they trust
- Keep things as familiar as you can
(school, friends, pets, precious possessions)
- Its OK to show your feelings.
Showing your children how you cope will help them
- Let their school or teacher know
what is happening.
(Information for this information bulletin is from the Grief and
Loss fact sheet in the FAMILY HELP KIT prepared by the New South
Wales Health Department, Australia www.health.new.gov.au)
For more information, contact:
World Federation for Mental Health
[email protected]
Fax: 703 519 7648
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